stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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