Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
