oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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