she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
