so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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