It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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