I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
