There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
