Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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