I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
