Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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