I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
