Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have fence marks all over my body
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
