Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
