I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
