Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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