I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I need a beard to bite.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
