The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
