shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
