Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
