tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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