they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
