She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
