When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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