i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He shit in the fireplace
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
