Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
