i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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