i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
