Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
