It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Randomize
