Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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