it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
