I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize