Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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