You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
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Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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