You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
