im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
