I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize