I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
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Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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