Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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