I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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