We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
