i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
