they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
