the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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