so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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