I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
