My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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