cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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