Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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