Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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