The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
