I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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