She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
