I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
