I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
