I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
