I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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