it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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