youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
