We're facebook friends in real life
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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