There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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